Parenting Then vs Now: The Big Shift to Gentle Parenting

Hi my people,
The other day I was chatting with my sis-in-law, who has just welcomed the cutest bundle of joy into our world. And like any two moms, we slipped into the sukh-dukh of parenting and how we were raised versus how we now dream of raising our little ones. Somewhere between the diaper dash dramas and sleepless night sagas, she tossed an idea my way:
“Why don’t you write about this, how parenting has changed over the years, and what’s the big deal about gentle parenting?”

That one line had me nodding like, yes girl, this needs to be written. So here I am, typing away, with a cup of coffee, ready to unpack this parenting evolution with you all.

Parenting Back in the Day

Well our parents didn’t read a stack of parenting books or scroll through endless parenting reels before raising us. Most of them followed a simple formula which was discipline, instructions, and “because I said so.” Back in the 90s, the parenting toolkit was very simple and effective according to the parents. The raised eyebrow, or the silent treatment always seemed to do its job. 

Our parents never felt the need of explaining anything, authority was absolute. Infact I still remember asking too many questions was considered back answering, and do I even need to talk about the classic “Sharmaji ke bete ko dekho” No one, and really no one ever got motivated or inspired by listening to sharmaji ke bete ki achievements ;p

• Then: Kids were expected to listen, no questions asked. Timings, rules, expectations. It was all carved in stone.
• Now: We explain, negotiate, and sometimes Google “why won’t my toddler eat dal chawal?” at 2 am.

What many of us are realizing now is that while that style of parenting built obedience, it also left behind some emotional scars, difficulty expressing feelings, fear of authority, and sometimes a struggle with confidence or boundaries. We survived. Some of us thrived. But also: many of us carried invisible burdens of fear, the sense that we always had to get something “right.”

Our parents were not exactly wrong, they simply did what they could, with what they had. Infact, their version of parenting was already a softer upgrade from the generation before them. Many of our grandparents believed in “spare the rod, spoil the child” and discipline often came in the form of a slipper, stick, or a good scolding. By the time it reached our parents, things had shifted. The black-and-blue beatings became the cold stare across the room, that one look that could silence an entire cricket match in the living room. And now, here we are, talking about gentle parenting, where instead of instilling fear, we focus on building understanding, respect, and emotional safety. It’s a whole evolution, really, each generation doing slightly better, slightly kinder, than the one before.

The Rise Of Gentle Parenting

If “old school” parenting is discipline first, gentle parenting says: Let’s pause, understand, connect. It’s soft but not mushy. It’s firm, but not forceful. For me, these are the pillars of gentle parenting.

• Empathy & Listening. When your toddler cries because you won’t let them play with the lighter, don’t just say “stop that!” Try: “I see you’re upset, you really wanted that lighter. It’s dangerous, let’s find something else you like doing.”
• Respect, even in small moments. Asking vs ordering. Explaining vs shouting. Treating them like little humans, not mini-robots.
• Boundaries, with love. “no” still exists. But it’s given with reason, not just “because I can.” “You can’t watch this show because it’s late and you need rest.”
• Connection first, correction next. Behavior is a message. Sometimes the tantrum is not because they want attention, maybe they’re tired, hungry, feeling unheard.

But Is Gentle Parenting Easy?

Nope. not at all, it takes way more patience to kneel down, breathe, and explain things for the 100th time instead of shouting. It’s exhausting to validate emotions when you yourself are sleep-deprived. And it doesn’t mean kids won’t misbehave, ohh they do and they will. And you might even hear, ohh your child does not respect you, but I guess, we just have to wait out all the comments and wait for your patience to bear its fruits. Because respect isn’t earned by fear. It’s earned by being fair, being firm, being loving. The long-term benefits? Huge. Studies show kids raised with empathy and respect develop:

• Better emotional regulation
• Stronger self-esteem
• Healthier communication skills
• More secure relationships later in life

How to Blend the Old & The New (The Best of Both)

 I don’t think we need to throw away everything from “then.” Some of it is gold.

• We still want discipline and responsibility. That’s timeless.
• We still want values, respect for elders, manners, and those are wonderful. It’s how we teach them that’s changing.
• Some old-school lessons: resilience, hard work, listening. These are still good, but maybe delivered with gentler tone & space for dialogue.

Practical Tips to Try Gentle Parenting (Because We Need Tools, Not Just Ideas)

Here are small things you can practice:

• When your child is upset, put words to what they might be feeling: “You look frustrated.”
• Use choices instead of ultimatums: “Do you want to brush teeth now or after your story?”
• Take a deep breath before reacting. Even 5 seconds help.
• Celebrate small successes: maybe they shared a toy, or used “please” without being told.
• Apologize when you mess up: it shows them it’s okay to make mistakes.

The Heart of It All

Parenting is never perfect. Some days you’re all zen, some days you’re one tantrum away from googling “Is boarding school for 5-year-olds a thing?” And that’s okay. Gentle parenting isn’t about raising perfect kids, it’s about raising kids who feel loved, respected, and safe, no matter what.

Because one day, when they look back, they won’t remember the exact words you used. They’ll remember how you made them feel. And that is the real legacy of parenting. 💛

Love & Ice creams
Sneha Singhvi