Marraige advice i will never follow

Hi my people,
i had so much fun writing this one, chuckling to myself the whole time and i am pretty sure at least a few of you will be able to resonate with it, so lets get started….the marriage advice I will never follow. You know, the delightful “wisdom” people start flinging at you the minute you so much as whisper the word marriage.

But after 8 years of being happily married i have realised that marriage is already complicated enough without stacking outdated, generic, one-size-fits-all rules on top of it. So today, I thought I’d share a few pieces of advice I ignore and honestly, I’m so glad I do.

“Never go to bed angry.”

Ohh! the classic one. cute! Also wildly impractical. we tried, we really did, but in my case i can be up all night, reading, watching, fighting, but to fight…. you need the other person alive and in his senses, my darling husband is asleep the moment he hits the pillow. And on rare occasion that doesn’t happen and its late, you’re both cranky, your brain’s a puddle, and you’re on the edge of snapping over whose turn it is to fill the water bottles. You know what’s better than forcing a conversation, sleep!

Wake up in the morning, drink some water, realize the fight was probably 20% valid and 80% hangry nonsense, and then talk about it. Because truly, nothing good ever came from two sleep-deprived people trying to solve deep issues in the middle of the night.

“Happy wife, happy life.”

I mean, again cute, but honestly? It’s just as bad as “man of the house” energy. A relationship isn’t about one person constantly adjusting so the other can shine. It’s about both people trying to create a happy life together. i am a happy wife because i have a happy husband, lol get the drift!?

“Don’t tell your husband everything.”

Oh please. I know people mean well, but honestly? I didn’t marry someone to live a half-truth. I want a partner I can be completely myself with, who knows that certain patterns and textures gives me the ick, that the nail polish I was so excited about now totally grosses me out, about a certain person he is fond of but i am not, and I secretly worry about being a clingy mom, or that one random comment by that aunty actually stung way more than I let on.

It’s anything and everything. Because what’s the point of sharing a whole life if you’re busy tiptoeing around your own thoughts? I’ll take awkward honesty over polite secrets any day. That’s how trust gets built. so dont tell me stuff you dont want my husband to know about 😉

“Don’t fight in front of the kid.”

Ah yes, instead stay in a tense, unhappy environment so the kids can learn… what exactly? How to grow up normalizing cold shoulders and fake smiles? Hard no. Because kids aren’t stupid they pick up on energy faster than anyone. They notice the long silences, the forced laughs, the way love feels heavy instead of light.

Honestly, for a while i did follow this but the best thing you can give your kid is a front-row seat to what healthy looks like, whether that’s a happy marriage or the courage to walk away when something isn’t right. They deserve to see love that’s real, not love that’s just barely surviving.

“Marriage is hard work.”

Look, I get the sentiment. Relationships take effort, no fairy tale here. But if it’s constantly hard work, if every day feels like trudging through knee-deep mud to keep it alive… that’s not marriage, that’s unpaid emotional labour.

Sure, there’ll be rough patches. But most days? I want marriage to feel like coming home to your favourite blanket. A place where you can breathe, be a mess, dream big, or fall apart and still be loved through it all.

“Don’t involve outsiders.”

Sure, dont start fighting on the road. But there’s a difference between gossiping and getting real help. Sometimes an outside perspective help, a sibling, a trusted friend is exactly what you need. Keeping everything bottled up can do more damage than talking it out ever could. i remember once i was really frustrated and was complaining to my friend, “but he is not expressive” and she pointed out a million things he does for me, which screammm love and kind of proves that i am such a spoilt wife, but i was stuck on him not verbally being expressive and just couldn’t see beyond that in that moment..but my friend had to burst my “poor me” bubble.( wondering if i should get new set of friends, huh!)

“Keep the spark alive.”

It’s great to flirt and i love planned dates and all. But sometimes love looks like doing taxes side by side in sweatpants or scrolling your phones in silence. Somedays love is fireworks and somedays its takeout on the couch( read table, we both hate eating on the couch :p) what matters is it flows. In my case if i have to constantly take efforts, then i will be drained and that will be a major turn off.

“Dont make fun of each other.”

So once I wore this bright orange dress and my husband went, “Rasna banke kyun ghoom rahi ho?” and when I was showing him how the skin on my finger was peeling (thanks to some crazy product reaction), and he literally stepped back and said, “Tum saanp ho kya?”

I love calling him the house monitor or my real MIL, because he’s such a cleanliness freak always fussing over cushions and wiping imaginary dust.

How can you not laugh at such nonsense? We pull each other’s leg all the time. It’s silly, harmless, and never crosses into mean. Shared inside jokes and gentle teasing keep everything light. Because honestly, a marriage where you can laugh at yourselves (and each other) is the absolute best kind.

In the end…

I know everyone means well when they offer their “rules for a happy marriage,” but honestly? The only rules that matter are the ones that work for you and your person. Marriage doesn’t need a rulebook written by nosy aunties, outdated traditions, or internet gurus. It needs two people who get each other, laugh together, fight fair, and keep choosing each other …..even on bad hair days ;P

Love & Icecreams

Sneha Singhvi