Hi my people,
I am here to talk about a rather unpleasant topic. I wrote three versions of this and still couldn’t find a “happy” way to portray it. But not every conversation needs a sugar coating. Sometimes, we have to shine a torch into the dark corners. So here we are…..
I was cleaning out my cupboard and we all know what that really means. Twenty percent organising, eighty percent getting lost in memories. I was going through an old album of mine, looking at all kinds of younger me. I love the little me. In fact, if I’m being completely honest… I envy her.
She was dramatic..Oookay, fine! I still am but she was untouched. Untouched by comparison. Untouched by self-doubt. Untouched by the invisible pressure to be more, do more, look more.
One picture caught my attention. I must have been 13. I was wearing shorts (which I don’t anymore), a bright neon green sleeveless top (a colour I wouldn’t choose today), and loud sunglasses that made absolutely no fashion sense. And yet, I looked so happy. Just free. There were no insecurities in sight.
Cut to today and there is hardly anything I am not insecure about. How I look is actually way down on the list now. Life kicks you in so many more complicated ways. And no matter how confident someone may seem, there is always something quietly bothering them. Over the years i created this mountain of expectations from myself, look good, earn good, cook well, speak well, host well, be a good wife, a good mother..and on and on the list went…and even a small failure would feed my insecurities so much so that i would cry myself to bed. Believe it or not but once i have cried over my hair being frizzy or the fact that my husband is better at tucking the bedcover perfectly without crease, and i just about manage, after a wrestling match with the fitted bedsheet.
But you know what is the strange part? We were never born with these insecurities. They were planted in us. A comment from a relative. A comparison in school. A subtle tone of disappointment. “look at her…” “why can’t you…”and so on and slowly, without even realising it, we start measuring ourselves with someone else’s ruler.
Their body.
Their money.
Their parenting.
Their weight.
Their success.
Their relations.
Their skin.
But I have realised that insecurities grow in silence. They grow when we don’t question them. They grow when we assume they are facts. They grow when we believe them blindly. Feeling insecure does not mean you are ungrateful. It does not mean you lack confidence. It does not mean you are failing. It simply means you are human. Even the most accomplished people battle self-doubt. The only difference? They don’t let it drive the car. So i am trying to knock it down a little or at least learn to keep it on a leash.
The first step seems simplel: name it.
Don’t say, “I’m just not feeling good.”
Be specific.
“I feel insecure about my weight.”
“I feel insecure about my career growth.”
“I feel insecure about my parenting.”
Naming it reduces its power. Vague fears feel bigger. When you define it, you shrink it.
Then separate facts from stories.
Fact: I gained five kilos.
Story: I am unattractive now.
Fact: My business is slow.
Story: I am a failure.
See the difference?
Insecurities never fully vanish. They just become quieter when you build self-trust. And self-trust is built when:
- You keep promises to yourself.
- You show up even when you doubt yourself.
- You forgive yourself for not being perfect.
You don’t need to become someone else. You need to become kinder to yourself. Insecurities are often stories we repeat so many times that they start sounding like facts. But they are interpretations, not truths. And here’s another thing confidence doesn’t come from thinking. It comes from doing. Action slowly rewires the insecurity narrative. Every small step tells your brain, “I can handle this.” Growth happens while feeling insecure, not after insecurity disappears. If we wait to feel completely confident, we will wait forever.
Psychologists often say that the mind believes what it repeatedly hears, which is why the way we speak to ourselves matters so much. If our inner voice constantly says “I’m not good enough,” the brain slowly starts accepting it as truth. But when we begin challenging that voice even gently, the narrative changes. Many successful people have openly spoken about this. Emma Watson once said, “I don’t want the fear of failure to stop me from doing what I really care about.” And that is really the heart of it.
I may not wear neon green sleeveless tops anymore and may think twice before putting on loud sunglasses. But somewhere inside, that carefree version of me still exists(i hope). Maybe it’s time we let her breathe a little. I am not a project to fix. I am person learning. So if you are feeling insecure about something today, just know this you are not alone. Every single person around you is fighting some invisible battle. So all you can do is, be kind( at all given times) but yeah you can definately pout and sulk on bad days..but fight back the urge of going down the black hole with all your might..it gets better..trust me 🙂
Love & Ice creams
Sneha Singhvi
